Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
