she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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