I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
