I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
