At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
