my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We are two peas in an std pod
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
