I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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