i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
