Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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