phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize