I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
