is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
