you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
