My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
