Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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