I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
