Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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