tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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