Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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