Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
