Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
