im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
