You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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