smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
