Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
