is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
