he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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