The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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