if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The Olympian is in my bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
