Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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