True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
