Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
