I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
