Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
