Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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