so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
