dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
