friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
