Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
