burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize