He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
