we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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