The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
