he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
