apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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