is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
