Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
