My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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