K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
