god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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