Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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