woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
