I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
