I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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