I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
