Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
