My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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