he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
