i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
