but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
