I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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