So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
