Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
