So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
