I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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