Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
