His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
