How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
